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Monday, September 19, 2005

Stormy Monday

There’s a cacophony of voices inside my head today that are causing me to lose sleep, focus and patience, and not necessarily in that order. Slept so fitfully last night and actually felt as if I were jumping out of my skin, all twitchy and itchy and restless.

So this morning I woke up with the familiar tension knot (double-knotted) in my left shoulder blade, an irritable disposition and the feeling as if I’m already behind on my week ahead. All in all, not a good way to start the week.

“Did I send this follow up…”

“Did I get this billing out…”

“Have I paid this bill…”

“Did I miss my volunteer time at school..:”

“Did I confirm speaking engagement…”

“Did the boys have homework this weekend…”

“Did I update the checkbook…”

“Have I called the orthodontist…”

“Is Tylenol PM addictive…”

“Am I losing my mind…”

“When was the last bloody time I exercised… or did anything for me?”

And so therein lies the problem. I’ve let myself come what I abhor: superwoman with a splash of martyr just to add to my self-loathing. I’m close to tears today and looking at my to-do list I’m almost incapable of even getting started. Paralyzed by the crush of things on my plate. DAMN! How did I let it get like this again?

I’m trying to take deep breaths, but every time I do I wince with the pain in my lower back. I need … to be blank. I need to empty my brain of the chaos it’s created and find my grounding again.

First step… yoga. Second step… be sure to get fresh air today. Third step… lose the caffeine for a while. Fourth step… fight the overwhelming urge to nap at 4 today. Fifth step… eat very little but very healthy natural foods. Sixth step… drink lots of water. Seventh step… pop a Tylenol PM and pray, pray for a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Survival, baby. It’s all about survival right now.

P.S. And with this post I was able to cross the first thing off my list. "Blog" To the basement now for yoga.


Jill said...

Ok - I agree with lose the caffeine, but the nap!? Oh, nooooo. Take it!!! :) You don't want to end up like Jane Fonda in a plate of tripe (we watched Monster-in-law this weekend).

Connie said...

I second Jill's suggestion on the nap, Wendy. Surrender to what is good for you. Even 30 minutes or less will renew you. Nothing mangles our perspective like fatigue.

You've just convinced me to write that column about putting our own oxygen on first. May I mention my friend Wendy, mother to three, superwoman to everyone else?


Jill said...

I second that motion on the column, the oxygen and Wendy's accomplishments, and third that motion on the NAP. :)